Listen in as one friend introduces another to Doctor Who with the help of our old pal, alcohol.
We watch the 13th episode titled "The Parting of the Ways" (Series 1, Episode 13), the third part of the "Long Game" trilogy (now without even more albino Simon Pegg!). Where Rose tries to impress the Doctor by learning how to fly the TARDIS and save him from certain death in the form of giant pepper pots. Spoiler alert: she doesn't. It's the end... but the moment has been prepared for.
We watch the 12th episode titled "Bad Wolf" (Series 1, Episode 12), the penultimate episode of the Christopher Eccleston era. Where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to futuristic versions of mid-naughties reality shows and tries to save her from certain death in the form of... nope, she gets killed. Or does she?
Takeaways from this episode:
- Captain Jack, seemingly unarmed, literally pulls a laser weapon out of his ass.
- Rose makes a terrible Weakest Link contestant, causing the host to disintegrate her. She shoulda gone for door number 2...
- While we return to Satellite 5, we find that Albino Simon Pegg has been replaced with Albino Tilda Swinton (redundant?).
Future projects: 'Lord of the Drinks' a Lord of the Rings Podcast and 'Drinktor House Five' a Kurt Vonnegut Podcast.
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NEW FEATURE!
Chicago Talk with Steve and John: Hockey Teams the Wolves and Blackhawks, getting shot with Tommy Guns 17 times, Schlitz Bars, Belmont, Sheffield and Southport.
Production notes: Steve makes a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference (the 113th) by slyly making an Angel reference. Well done Steve!
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We watch the 11th episode titled "Boom Town" (Series 1, Episode 11) where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to Cardiff (?!) and save her from certain death in the form of a farting alien. Wait. What? Is this a repeat? No? And Mickey is there giving Rose crap about their relationship. Come on...this has to be a repeat.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Cardiff is a very dangerous place for the French.
- If the Who Crew is like the Scooby Gang, Mickey is a Scooby/Shaggy combo, Captain Jack is Velma, Rose is Danger Prone Daphne and the Doctor is an ascot-less Fred.
- John is convinced that Frank Oz in his prime would happily stick his hand up John's butt.
- The Tardis' hoo-ha has magical powers and regressed Margaret Slitherin back to an egg with dreadlocks.
The final tally: a shot of tequilla, we forget to mention how many beers, several Star Wars references and the umpteenth time Steve asked if <insert name here> is a companion.
Production notes: Steve is concerned about the discrepancy between episode running lengths listed on IMDB and Amazon Prime. He wants the entire made-for-broadcast episode dammit!
We watch the tenth episode titled "The Emptier Child, The Empty Child 2." Whoopsies... that was the working title for this second part of a two-parter. For reals we watch "The Doctor Dances" (Series 1, Episode 10) where the Doctor and Rose recruit Jack Harkness to rescue a hospital ward from certain death in the form of overly literal nanobots.
PG13 Takeaways from this episode:
- Butchers in WWII era England were open to trading 'meat' for meat.
- Like a cars' trunk is called a 'boot' in England, a ladies' cooch is called a 'fanny'.
- Pegging will lead you down a dark dirty road you may not want to travel.
Dated reference in this podcast: complaining about the season six mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead. If only we waited until the season finale...
The final tally: 3 beers and a shot of tequilla (but a total of 7 beers, 2 shots and Chinese food for this recording session).
Production notes: Star Wars prequel bashing makes a triumphant return. Welcome back old friend!
We watch the ninth episode titled "The Empty Child" (Series 1, Episode 9) the first part of a two-parter. Where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to London during the Blitz and rescues her from certain death in the form of the creepiest pre-schooler ever.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Kids are inherently creepy...'Are you my mummy?' <shudder>
- First appearance by Captain Jack: a 'Walk-In-The-Door Sexual. Which means he'll 'do' anybody that walks in the door.
- Steve can't stop obsessing over farting aliens...and baboon butts.
The final tally: 4 beers and a return from our old amigo tequilla.
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Production notes: along with the 93rd reference to Buffy, we also referenced Ferris Bueller, Dukes of Hazard (show and movie), Lost, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Titanic, Twins (but meant Junior), Battlestar Gallactica (reboot, duh), Serenity and Firefly.
We watch the eighth episode titled "Father's Day" (Series 1, Episode 8) where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to the past to meet her deceased father and rescues Rose from certain death in the form of her wrongly living father.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Even though Steve is dead inside, he almost felt an emotion from this episode rating it a 9.5! He even equates it Buffy The Vampire Slayer...high praise indeed.
- Rose hastens the end of existence by touching herself.
- John is a pussy...and thinks (wishes?) Phil Collins is dead. Steve, on the other hand, wishes John was dead.
- Rose is the one hot blonde that her father does not feel compelled to bang.
The final tally: a final shot of apple flavored whiskey that Steve equates with the 'urine sample of a gingerbread man with a UTI' plus 3 (maybe 4) beers.
Production notes: way too much discussion of Robin Williams and the 86th reference to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
We watch the seventh episode titled "The Long Game" (Series 1, Episode 7) where the Doctor and Rose try to impress new companion(?) Adam by taking them to the year 200,000 and rescues them all from certain death in the form of Albino Simon Pegg.
Takeaways from this episode:
- New companion Adam ends up not being a companion but is a shmuck and a bitch.
- Space stations in the future resemble large industrial spaces where everyone dresses the same...in other words, a Hot Topic.
- The population of England ranges between 8 and 2000 and everyone is named either Gemma or Clive.
NEW FEATURE!
What to watch instead of listening to this podcast: Black Books, Shaun of the Dead, Black Mirror, Hot Fuzz...and The Gilmore Girls?
The final tally: a shot of apple flavored whiskey that according to Steve tastes like 'A Jolly Rancher took a shit in my mouth!' plus uncounted beers. Let's assume four of those.
Production notes: sound issues, the expected Star Wars prequels bashing and the 78th reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
We watch the sixth episode titled "Dalek" (Series 1, Episode 6) where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to a museum (!?!) and rescues her from certain death in the form of his oldest enemy.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Gwyneth Paltrow is too thin to play a Dalek.
- Daleks are flying cyborgs made of flesh and metal...fleshal!
- Rose spreads emotional STDs.
The final tally: 5 beers and a defiling-the-memory-of-Alan-Rikman-apple-flavored-whiskey shot.
Production notes: multiple Star Wars prequels bashing and a hypercard reference from Steve.
We watch the fifth episode titled "Aliens of London II: Electric Boogaloo" [Alright..."World War Three" (Series 1, Episode 4)...sheesh] the second part of a two-parter. Where the Doctor and Rose discover the farting aliens want to cause a war so they can sell off the planetary remains and Earth needs to be rescued from certain death by the Doctor (with assist from Mickey...yes that Mickey!).
Takeaways from this episode:
- British soldiers will follow the orders of anyone who is not chunky Albert Brooks (or chunky Jon Favreau...redundant!)
- The UN password to launch all Earth's missiles is Buffalo.
- Elevator doors have amazing dramatic timing.
- The Doctor can identify aliens by the smell of their farts.
The final tally: Unstated...but since this was the second recorded podcast of the evening, we can safely assume an additional 3 beers plus a shot of tequilla.
Production notes: sound quality is back to the normal mediocre quality (both sound tracks were available...yay!).
We watch the fourth episode titled "Aliens of London" (Series 1, Episode 4), the first part of a two-parter. Where the Doctor returns Rose to her (almost) time, they watch an alien ship crash into the Thames and need to be rescued from certain death in the form of corpulent farting aliens.
Takeaways from this episode:
- The Doctor still can't drive the Tardis for crap. 12 months is so not 12 hours. Rose is dead? Poor Jackie and Mickey.
- Farting fat people are aliens in disguise.
- Hey Americans: the Prime Minister of England is not Hugh Grant!
The final tally: 4 beers and a shot of tequilla.
Production notes: legit way mediocre sound quality (managed to lose John's sound track but still workable...?) and you guessed it, out of date references (Netflix can continue to screw itself).
We watch the third episode titled "The Unquiet Dead" (Series 1, Episode 3) where the Doctor, having taken Rose to the future, now tries to impress her by taking her to the past and rescues her from certain death in the form of alien possessed corpses.
Takeaways from this episode:
- The Doctor can't drive the Tardis for crap. Wales is so not Venice.
- When you have tickets to see Charles Dickens live on stage, nothing, not even death prevents you from seeing him.
- The Welsh have the Shining.
The final tally: 5 beers and a shot of tequilla.
Production notes: Steve's usual complaint of mediocre sound quality and general out of date references (again the Netflix thing...we recorded these first several episodes in late fall of 2015).
We watch the second episode titled "The End of the Universe" (Series 1, Episode 2) where the Doctor tries to impress Rose by taking her to Earth five billion years in the future and rescues her from certain death in the form of the exploding sun.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Future races include tree people that look like busty asparagus, blue oompaloompas and humans evolved into large sheets of skin.
- Britney Spears is still a thing?
- Don't bring a person made of wood to help put out a fire.
The final tally: 4 beers and a shot of tequilla.
Production notes: the usual mediocre sound quality, dated references abound (not on Netflix still and Minority Report the series RIP).
We watch the premiere episode of the Doctor Who reboot, "Rose" (Series 1, Episode 1) where the Doctor rescues shopgirl Rose Tyler from certain Death in the form of a vat of CGI plastic and it's army of killer mannequins.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Rose has huge teeth, Mickey is a doofus, Jackie is DTF, and the Doctor is (in Steve's words) kind of a dick.
- An online search for "Doctor Blue Box" surprisingly did not immediately display porn results.
- Doughy fans of the Doctor can have out of their league hot wives much like American sitcom husbands.
The final tally: 3 beers and a shot of tequila.
Production notes: mediocre sound quality, dated references (Doctor Who not on Netflix anymore dammit!)