73 - Bold Brewed Beer (S5, Ep9)

We watch “Cold Blood” (Series 5, Episode 9) where Amy plays a high-stakes game of Monopoly with the Lizard King and the Doctor pulls a surprise out of Amy’s crack whilst trying to break on through to the other side. In between these shenanigans, identical lizard sisters are killed, awful human beings are chastised and Amy sees her future self again. All by herself. Because she never must have met the rory man. I mean the right man. I honestly don’t rory from rory that roryed from. What?

72 - Drinking on an Empty Stomach (S5, Ep8)

We watch “The Hungry Earth” (Series 5. Episode 8) where the Doctor takes Amy and Rory to Rio de Janeiro where they all have a lovely time. Whilst there, Amy is drafted to Samba during Carnival, Rory agrees to go native by having a ‘Brazilian’ and the Doctor discovers that ‘Christ The Redeemer’ is the disguised TARDIS of the Rani! Nope? Sorry. Wishful thinking. Instead the Whoby Crew arrive in futurish Wales where they get pulled into a mysterious mystery. Let’s hope Scrappy Who shows up to save the day in part two.

71 - Absinthe Shots Always a Bad Choice (S5, Ep7)

We watch “Amy’s Choice” (Series 5, Episode 7) where Amy and Rory get into the Doctor’s head and are ‘chilled’ by what they see. And by ‘get into the Doctor’s head’, I of course mean they literally dive into the messed up soup that makes the Doctor dysfunction. Whilst there, the Doctor creates his own ‘Truman’ show, Rory makes an unfortunate choice of hair style and Amy choo choo chooses her baby daddy. (Spoilers: it’s Rory)

70 - Vivacious Vinos of Venice CA (S5, Ep6)

We watch “The Vampires of Venice” (Series 5, Episode 6) where the Doctor, Amy and her fiance Rory travel to 16th century Italy to take in the sights. And by ‘take in the sights’ I mean distract Amy from snogging the Doctor. Again. Whilst there, Amy gets schooled in necking, Rory goes spear fishing, Guido blows himself up real good and Signora Rosanna just wants to meet the Doctor all the way. Yeah!

69 - Grandma's Amaretto Stone Sour (S5, Ep5)

We watch “Flesh and Stone” (Series 5, Episode 5) where the Weeping Angels break all their established rules to this point…until the next time they break all their established rules to this point… Whilst there, we learn River Song is atoning for killing a good man (spoilers…), the Doctor tries to plug up Amy’s crack (unsuccessfully though…spoilers…) and Amy calms her pre-wedding jitters by trying to get into the Doctor’s trousers… but I will happily spoil that she in fact fails to do so. Umm…spoiler behind?

68 - Always Time For the Alcohols (S5, Ep4)

We watch “The Time of Angels” (Series 5, Episode 4) where Amy and the Doctor travel to the past after finding a love letter sent to him from her future spurring the Doctor to reconnect with the spoilerific River Song…his ex? pre? current? It’s timey wimey people! Whilst there, River brings a gun toting priest to their date, the Doctor finds that two heads are way better than one and Amy Pond gets something stuck in her eye. Perhaps if she blinks fast enough…wait..what?

67 - No Name Vodka and Tonic (S5, Ep3)

We watch “Victory of the Daleks” (Series 5, Episode 3) where the Doctor and Amy get blitzed with Winston Churchill. Whilst London is under attack from Nazi bombers, Churchill unveils his latest weapon which is seriously, absolutely, positively not a Dalek. It’s TWO Daleks! Unfortunately, the Doctor is the first to blink in a staring contest with the Daleks and ends up responsible for the creation of the Crayola Daleks. Fortunately, Crayola Daleks melt under the heat of the Doctor’s gaze and scribble off to parts unknown. And we see Amy’s crack again!

66 - This Gross Yeasty Brew (S5, Ep2)

We watch “The Beast Below” (Series 5, Episode 2) where the Doctor and [insert current companion name] land in [era appropriate] London. Whilst there, the Doctor and [likely a comely young woman] encounter [creepy obstacles] and require the aid of [a mysterious stranger] in order to defeat [some sort of misunderstood foe] before realizing that they [geez…I dunno…already had the power within them?]. Enjoy this Drunktor Who episode where we struggle to say something positive about this Doctor Who episode.

65 - Happy Hour (S5, Ep1)

We watch “The Eleventh Hour” (Series 5, Episode 1) where the Doctor discovers his latest body enjoys the traditional Scottish dish of fish fingers and custard. After crash landing, the Doctor initially traumatizes a prepubescent Amy Pond then later tantalizes a teen Amy Pond until finally settling on travelling with a young adult Amy Pond. Whilst the latest companion audition occurs, the Doctor checks out Amy’s crack, gives the Atraxi an eye exam and claims bow-ties are cool. Really Doctor…what’s next? Fezes? Wait…what?

64 - Goblet of Fire Whiskey: the 4th Intervention

In this episode, we bid adieu to Barty Crouch Junior… err, Scrooge McDuck… err, Alec Hardy… err, Crowley (you’ll soon see Gaiman/Pratchett fans!). But like Billy Piper as Rose, we’re saying goodbye to the iconic actor way too many more times than decently necessary. Whilst we do so, John quizzes Steve on multi-series Whovia, friend-of-the-show Tim quizzes us both on our drinking skills and Donna Noble has been saved! All this and more on this episode of Drunktor Who. This deep cut has been brought to you by Katherine Helmond… can you believe this national treasure is still alive?

63 - No Slice of Lime For You (S4, Ep18)

We watch “The End of Time: Part 2” (Series 4, Episode 18) where the Doctor reluctantly attends parent’s weekend and Wilf exercises his second amendment rights all whilst the Master unwittingly becomes the pawn of the least popular James Bond. (Yeah…I said it.) After the Doctor inevitably saves the day, he uncharacteristically revisits his former companions before he inequitably regenerates into a definitely non-ginger two-legged humanoid. And speaking of humanoids, Denise is back!

62 - Closing Time Is Not Fun (S4, Ep 17)

We watch “The End of Time: Part 1” (Series 4, Episode 17) where the Master is brought back to life and treats London like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet. Whilst there, the Master marches to the beat of four drums, blows off his ex-wife and then decides that President Obama would look better as a blonde. And then the Doctor and Wilf show up to ruin his fun. And then friend of the show Denise shows up and makes this episode more better…er.

61 - Watermelon Margarita, Por Favor (S4, Ep16)

We watch “The Waters of Mars” (Series 4, Episode 16) where the Doctor travels across the universe and interacts with life on Mars? Whilst there, he discovers a space oddity is turning colonists into scary monsters (and super creeps) however their deaths will make them heroes ushering in golden years of space exploration. Under pressure of causing changes to a fixed point in time, the Doctor sees it ain’t easy loving the aliens after a rock & roll suicide makes him scream like a baby. Ashes to ashes, funk to funky…

60 - The Pounding in My Head (S4, Ep15)

We watch "Planet of the Dead" (Series 4, Episode 15) where the Doctor catches the Knight Bus but gets off at the wrong stop. Whilst there, the Doctor gets to know his fellow passengers including Lady Christina who wants to steal his heart and Barclay who just wants to get out. After a couple of helpful flies get squashed, the Doctor gets pooped and decides to drive back to Earth before it gets pitch black and before UNIT can plug up his wormhole.

59 - The Drunk Text (S4, Ep14)

We watch "The Next Doctor" (Series 4, Episode 14) where the Doctor (flying solo) lands in mid 19th century England (again?) and says "Ello Guv'nor" to his future self (or is he?). Whilst there, the Doctor discovers primitive blue-tooth technology, that it's a hard knock life for London's street urchins and it's tough being an Iron Giant in Victorian England. All this and no special guest for a Christmas episode? Wait...what? This was a Christmas episode? Dammit! Get Denise on the phone.

58 - Jäger is My Best Friend (S4, Ep 13)

We watch "Journey's End" (Series 4, Episode 13) where Donna returns to her old life totally "wiped out" whilst the Doctor tells Rose to "talk to the hand". Resuming the "Doctor Who Bingo" game began in the prior episode, Jackie and Mickey show up to cover a few boxes. Captain Jack dies and comes back to life, so cover another box. Daleks speak German. (Sorry no box, it's just awesome!) And then K-9 materializes to help save the day. BINGO!

57 - Smells Like Stoli Burps (S4, Ep 12)

We watch "The Stolen Earth" (Series 4, Episode 12) where the Doctor and Donna find that the Earth has been, well, stolen. Whilst not there, the Daleks show up and bring an old friend of the Doctor's for a visit. Meanwhile Captain Jack, Sarah Jane Smith and Martha Jones attend the face time funeral of Harriet Jones (former Prime Minister). Then just in time, the Doctor locates Earth and also Rose. And millions of shippers just 'Squee'd! Until the Doctor got shot, that is. Reunited and it don't feel too good.

56 - Patron Burns Less (S4, Ep 11)

We watch "Turn Left" (Series 4, Episode 11) where Donna goes on a Capra-esque journey whilst the Doctor wisely sits this one out to get a Brazilian. On said journey, Donna chooses job security over temping which kills the Doctor. Then moon traveling Martha Jones dies. Then crashed Starship Titanic Londoners die. Then millions of over weight Americans die from obesity. (Well, that woulda happened anyways.) Then Rose shows up and Donna dies. And then a Weeping Angel earns her wings. 

55 - Mai Tai on the Rocks Please (S4, Ep10)

We watch "Midnight" (Season 4, Episode 10) where the Doctor goes on an educational tour whilst Donna wisely sits this one out to get a Brazilian. So on the titular resort planet, high radiation and lack of hospitable atmosphere doesn't stop the Doctor from having fun with a small group of small minded travelers who want nothing more than to kill each other at the first sign of trouble. Sounds like my last trip to the Wisconsin Dells to see the Tommy Bartlett Water Show. Oh the humanity.

54 - Stout Beers Taste Like Bread (S4, Ep9)

We watch "Forest of the Dead" (Season 4, Episode 9) where Donna finally finds happiness and the Doctor snatches it away from her. Whilst back on planet The Library, the Doctor feeds chicken to the shadows, Donna marries and has a family, Original Dave wants to know who turned out the lights and River Song sacrifices herself to save hundreds of lives. Is this the last we see of Professor River Song? Spoilers...nope, we'll be seeing her a bunch more times! Seriously, it's been a decade since this aired people!